Book review: How to win friends and influence people
Reflections on Dale Canergie’s book
Hello, my climate honey :)
My name is Amanda Costa, I am a communicator, internationalist, and climate activist. I love to share knowledge and since I was chosen by Greenpeace as one of the 9 climate voices to follow on social media, I decided to internationalize my content, producing articles and videos in the English language.
I also want to improve my technical skills by doing a master’s degree. My biggest dream is to study at Oxford, taking the “Nature, Society and Environmental Policy” course. This article is also a way to start practicing my essays.
This is a huuuuuge challenge!
However, I believe with support, vulnerability, and working collectively, everything will go fine and my goal to improve my English to study abroad will be achieved :)
After introducing myself, would you like to go to the book reflections? Why is it important to win friends while we are influencing people?
“A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” (Abraham Lincoln)
As Lincoln said, if you want to win a man to your cause, first convince him you are his sincere friend. If you get his heart, betimes you will get his reason. Remember we are always dealing with people, creatures full of emotions who live collectively, so the use of gentleness and friendliness could help to open heavy doors.
If you already have the technical knowledge, you need to learn the ability to express your ideas, take on leadership roles, and arouse enthusiasm among people.
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess. The best way to develop this quality in a person is through appreciation and encouragement.” (Charles M. Schwab).
Leadership gravitates to the person who can talk
However, I know this is not a simple activity. It’s necessary to develop self-confidence, courage, and determination. As Dale Carnegie says, the best way is to do the thing you fear most and get a record of successful experiences behind you.
If you want to make friends and develop authentic relationships, keep this principle in mind: Become genuinely interested in people.
Make your new friend feel important
“Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.” (Dale Carnegie)
People like to feel that they are valuable to the world, deserve recognition, and believe they must be appreciated.
As we can see at the top of Maslow’s pyramid, self-actualization is the creative, intellectual, and social potential realization through the internal drive. It refers to the need for personal growth and development that exists throughout life, achieving all the potential.
We are living in a very competitive world and sometimes people can not see how great they are. So, why don’t you help then?
Most people prefer to talk with good listeners instead of good talkers. If you have the aspiration to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested! Encourage your new friend to talk about him/herself and his/her accomplishments and remember people are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.
Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do, so let them tell you a few things. You can ask questions or say something nice — about him/her. While you are in a conversation, think to yourself:
“What is there about him/her that I can honestly admire?
You just need to listen patiently, with an open mind, encouraging your friend to express his/her ideas fully, wishes, wants, and thoughts.
See your new friend’s point of view
“Get the other person’s point of view and see things from his or her angle, as well as from our own.” (Henry Ford)
Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself:
“How can I make this person want to do it?”
Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person’s point of view and “arousing in the other person a desire.”
To become a good friend, an amazing conversationalist, and a person who people like to be close to, focus on real connection, understand how you can help, and listen with your mind and heart.
People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.” (Owen D. Young)
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
“By fighting, you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.” (Dale Carnegie)
Nothing kills a person’s ambitions like criticism. Instead of condemning people, try to understand them, and try to figure out why they do what they do. Give suggestions, not orders. Being diplomatic will help you make your point.
If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve occasional victories, but it will be an empty victory because you will not connect with your new friend. Don’t begin discussing the things on which you differ, but keep emphasizing that you are both striving for the same purpose.
Your new friend can be wrong, but he/she doesn’t think so. To create connection and empathy, try to understand his/her point of view being wise, tolerant, and patient. Conversation cooperates when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas as important as your own.
I hope the principles shared in this article help you develop relationships, win people and make new friends. Please, do not use this knowledge to manipulate, but use it to create real connections. These principles will work only when they come from your heart ❤.
Summarizing,
1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person wants.
4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he will benefit.
So from now on, go out and win friends and influence people! You just need to apply these principles all the time, everywhere! :)
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Amanda Costa is a climate activist, young adviser to the UN Global Compact, founder of the Sustainable Perifa Institute, and presenter of #TemClimaParaisso?, a program about the climate crisis. Graduated in International Relations, Amanda was recognized as #Under30 in Forbes magazine, TEDx Speaker, LinkedIn Top Voices and Creator and in 2021 she was deputy curator of Global Shapers, the youth community of the World Economic Forum.
